Waiting

“You need to have kids.”

The room was loud so at first I thought I misheard. She repeated it, this time drowning out the noise.

“You need to get married and have kids.”

It’s been spoken over me for decades.

Like a broken record - skipping the beautiful soundtrack of my life to get stuck on something no one can make sense of.

The faces have changed, but it’s always the same.

Said in passing. Without thought. Said as if it was something I forgot to do.

In one stroke, it sweeps over the entirety of who I am, minimizing the journey:

Christ-follower

Writer

Mentor

Friend

Cancer survivor

Entrepreneur

But God also speaks over us, if we let him, and his words go farther back.

Before opinions, before I was born, before the world.

His ways are complete.

Whole.

With nothing left unfinished or forgotten.

He doesn’t leave loose ends.

And if I’ve learned anything sifting through these decades of noise, it’s this:

More than anyone, God knows what He is doing. He sees what I can’t.

Peace overflows when I rest my full weight on that.

So far, it’s looked nothing like what I planned, but His ways are marked by precision, intention, and a thoughtfulness unique to who I am.

The weight of the world’s words can get heavy. If you have experienced this, too, you are not alone.

But waiting on Him - waiting with Him - is never wasted.

He isn’t finished yet, and it will be worth it to see what he intended all along.

Five Years

Five years ago today was my final cancer treatment. ⁣

I stepped into the cold, feeling yanked out from under the daily watchful eye of the incredible team of experts I came to rely on. ⁣

Two days later all nonessential businesses in New York shut down. ⁣

I was told the usual prescription for post treatment was to go out, do things, see your friends, plan the trip. The way to move on is to live.⁣

With the onset of COVID, my doctors were sympathetic - they had no advice for me now.⁣

And that was the beginning of my path to healing against a backdrop the world had never seen before. ⁣

Five years later, I’m spending the day very differently. ⁣

Things are coming into sharper focus. The specifics aren’t important just yet but I’m no longer working to survive from one doctor’s appointment to the next.⁣

I’ve made plans again, not only for the near term, but without even realizing it, for the distant future, too. ⁣

These five years will always hold weight with me: for what was lost and for what was gained. ⁣

⁣But now I’ve come down off the tight rope walk.⁣

The tension is breaking.⁣

⁣And it feels a little like coming home.

The Work in Front of Me

Respectfully, I would ask that we stop interrupting women’s lives to tell them they should be leading different ones.

The Bible says that Jesus cast seven demons out of Mary Magdalene - meaning she most likely suffered from an illness not easily cured.

She contributed to Jesus’ ministry financially, so she had her own money, and there is no mention of her being married.

In other words, she did not live the typical life of a woman in that time.

I can relate.

And yet, she is the first person Jesus revealed himself to after he rose from the dead.

This in a time when women’s testimony was not permitted in a court of law because they were viewed as being lower than livestock.

Jesus instructed her to go and tell the others. She was the apostle sent to the apostles.

Ladies, you have so much more value than you’ll ever know because He placed it in you.

And that value doesn’t increase or decrease as your roles change, either at work or at home.

Imagine if Jesus yelled to Mary as she ran to share the news, “Girl, don’t forget to get maaarriieeeeddd.”

How ridiculous would that have been?

Because the message  - then and now - is about Him. Killing sin and death.

That’s it. That’s the headline.

And Mary’s willingness to be present and responsive to what He called her to is a lesson for us all.

It reminds me of when I bought my condo.

I was young. Anxious, excited, happy, scared.

And someone said, “Don’t you think you should have waited until you got married to do this?”

Man, did that ruin my moment.

And it made me feel like what I was doing wasn’t real life because I hadn’t checked another box first.

Or instead.

Would I have liked to step into other roles? You bet.

But that might be a conversation better had with the men today, many of whom seem more interested in quantity over legacy.

It can’t just be me doing all the work and dragging a guy along for the ride.

A remarkable thing about women is that we won’t wait to multiply whatever you give us.

Bring me groceries, I’ll make you a meal.

Build me a dwelling, I’ll make you a home.

Give me a story worth sharing, I’ll spread that news far and wide.

This photo was taken at one of my favorite press conferences. We made the front page of USA Today. Good Morning America even gave us a shout out.

I felt a lot of satisfaction from this effort. And I think God, like any good dad, gets a kick out of watching His kids light up and fire on all cylinders.

There are some who say I shouldn’t occupy this space. That I’m in the minority.

But while society sidelines me, God never does.

He calls me loved, chosen, valuable, and trustworthy to carry His message. In return, I do the work that’s in front me, whatever that looks like.

It could be at a job. It could be taking care of family.

It could be reminding single friends younger than me that marriage and children, however wonderful and worthy, are not actually what God looks for in the end, and then setting an example of how to walk that out, practically.

Maybe someday my life will look different. Maybe it will include a husband or a different home.

In the last few years, I’ve had cancer and the world got swallowed up in COVID.

Again, I do the work that’s in front of me.

It’s been years since this photo was taken and I still show up for God.

I bring my sickness and my singleness and the hurt I carry from the world telling me I’ve done it all wrong.

Sometimes, that feels really heavy. And I believe the lies the world has told me that I don’t have a place in it.

But then there are times I take God at his word and, like Mary Magdalene, I’m there before anyone else, waiting to see what He will trust me with next.

A Letter to God in the Wake of the Roe v. Wade Reversal

God, I pray my heart always breaks for what breaks yours.

63 million lives have been lost since Roe v. Wade was signed into law. I can only imagine the ache of your Father’s heart as each one toddled through your gates.

You ache for their mamas, too.

On June 24, 2022, when abortion was turned back over to the states, friends of mine in certain circles raised a banner in victory, careful not to get too loud.

Partly because the ‘victory’ is incomplete. While a step in the right direction, it merely passes the baton for others to decide.

And partly to not anger the ever-growing mobs forming in our streets and outside our churches.

The argument is that those of us who believe what you say don’t care what happens to women.

Ironically, we believe what you say because no one cares about women more than you.

When Sarah was long past the point of child birth, you opened her womb and made her the mother of nations.

When Hagar was abandoned in the desert, thinking she would have to watch her baby die, you showed up and showed her a way out.

When Ruth was widowed and outcast, you brought her to community and a man rich in life and in love.

When Abigail’s brute of a husband was about to instigate a war, you emboldened and protected her as she approached an army in the mountains to contend for her city.

When the woman caught in adultery was about to be stoned, you chased away her accusers. You knelt down next to her in the dust, not to condone what she did, but to lift her up from it.

When Mary found herself engaged and pregnant at 15, well, we all know how that story goes. Her son would become the Savior of the world.

I’m writing this today because she - and Joseph - chose the difficult path and trusted you as they walked it.

And as I’ve healed from cancer, I’ve used what I’ve seen and learned from you to encourage countless others during their own traumatic experiences.

The ripple effect of one one person choosing you over their circumstances is immeasurable.

And, finally, after sealing death up in that tomb behind you, a woman was the first person you told.

You entrust us with so much.

You find us abandoned, outcast, and caught up in the lies the world tells us.

Even so, I see story after story of your faithfulness to take on the ugliest we’ve got and make something beautiful. Something others can stake their lives on long after the last witness is there to tell about it.

My story is different from the stories of these women, but like them, you have entrusted me with much.

I will keep my heart tender where this issue is concerned, and share my resources with those who think there is no other way.

I will use my voice to speak your truth in love.

Psalm 139: 13-15

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Women Who Build

I’ve always been in awe of women who can seemingly bend the universe to their wills.

Married by this age, a house by this age, kids by this age. They draft a timeline, submit it for review, and the universe happily obliges.

Harnessing that kind of power to make anything fall in line with my plans on my time table has always eluded me. I submitted my plans. I had such high hopes.

Then cancer hit at 38 immediately followed by a global pandemic. I set hope aside and just tried to hold on to my health. 

But somewhere deep inside, the desire to dream is still there.

So for whatever reason you find yourself childless today - traumatic life events or just life - however you may have felt your plans got overlooked or denied -  I want you to know you still matter.

I see you. And God sees you.

Building businesses and building communities. 

Building up other women like you because you know how they feel.

Building legacy.

You may not be passing it on to little ones; you’re passing it on to everyone.

You just don’t get a day telling you how awesome you are. Keep going. Keep dreaming. Keeping making plans. 

Keep building.

Today and every day, I honor you.

Psalm 126:1

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed.